EMOTIONAL HEALING
Lori spent fourteen years as a foster carer, fighting for vulnerable children — while quietly carrying a lifelong lack of confidence and a deep dislike of herself. What follows is her account, in her own words, of how that slowly began to change.
It was ongoing for many years. Dealt with it most of my life. You tend to normalise things. Total lack of confidence. A strong dislike of myself. Couldn’t see anything nice about me. But people always seemed to like me and get on with me.
Day to day I just plodded along, taking everything personally. I had a good strong sense of humour which helped get me through. So it was always there, but I had good genuine friends which helped a great deal.
I am not really sure, but I do remember someone asking me one day if I would ever heard of the law of attraction, which I hadn’t, so they showed me stuff on YouTube which I found very intriguing. I started to try and train my brain on that, which I found very good. It was very hard, but I still do this today.
Mainly trying to switch off to negative thinking and avoiding toxic people, which I quickly saw in them that they were not good for me. I also had narcissistic people around who turned things around onto me so I would feel I was in the wrong and stupid. Strange, as I’m usually a very strong independent person, so this threw me a bit, but they were also discarded from my life.
I was given Paramjit’s contact number by a friend of my daughter’s, and also acquired a support worker who I am truly indebted to to this day. I had a support worker for many years until I moved recently, and I also had Paramjit to message or receive support from still. I haven’t got a new support worker yet, but have a number if needs.
I’m not sure if I’ve opened up completely, as that’s my way of staying in control, which is OK at the moment. But I think total trust encourages you to open up, and knowing when you feel safe and understood helps. A kind genuine heart is a must.
I think trusting someone totally, and realising my life seemed a sham, it wasn’t what I presumed it to be. So therefore I made a conscious decision to restart using my own initiative. If someone treats me right they can stay in my life; if not, then there’s no room for them. I have started to put myself as a priority.
Yes, definitely. I learned that a lot of people liked me. Assumed I was very strong minded, and was actually told that some people were very jealous of me, because I seemed to cope with whatever was thrown at me, and also because I had a good strong following without realising it before. They saw in me what I never did. Amazing, really.
Working with Paramjit was the starting point, once I learned about the law of attraction. I know I can always count on his support. I know in my heart it was his support and kindness that started the ball rolling, resulting in me believing in myself. Also my support worker was amazing, who I miss very much due to moving. Mainly worked on my confidence building and giving myself more credit for my achievements, which are quite a few and down to my own doing.
Well, that’s easy. Whatever state I was in, Paramjit never judged me or changed his attitude towards me. Ever the shoulder to lean on, or ears always ready to listen. I cannot thank my daughter’s friend enough for introducing me to him. She is now a fully qualified counsellor, but I keep with him as long term I feel comfortable, and he is a very good friend as well as my support system.
I know I am just as important as the next person and as good as them. I know I am intelligent, and I know people value my opinion, which can only be a good thing and very complimentary.
It feels very good. I am human and still have off days or low thoughts, but they don’t rule my life.
I take a different look at life and at myself. I am no Mona Lisa, but nobody is. Everything good I have comes from inside, and I have learned this is what has been drawing good people to me.
Well, I would say it can be a very long painful journey, but you are the one in control and you can make your decisions. If people want to support you that’s fine, but you are every bit as good as anyone else, and once you have the mindset, confidence and prioritise your needs, the journey will be worth it.
“Everything good I have comes from inside, and I have learned this is what has been drawing good people to me.”
— Lori
Well, I was a foster carer for 14 years, which must say something about my strength of mind. I felt I was helping vulnerable children to gain courage to be strong and help them deal with their negative issues about themselves. It was amazing how much some of them rose to the occasion, but not all, I am afraid. I felt very strongly that I had empathy with them.
I retired in 2009. It was mixed, bit sad, but the people in power were very unsupportive to the children, and still are, so I felt I was doing it on my own rather than as a team. This is why you still hear such evil stories what babies and children in care go through. I fought many a battle with them and even got myself in trouble for defending the children, and would do the same again, so retiring for me was very needed. I lose myself in my garden, as it is my sanctuary. That, and ironing – both very therapeutic for me. I love gardening and watching nature grow. x
This is one person’s genuine experience, shared with their permission, not a guarantee of results for any other individual. When emotional patterns are understood and gently resolved, many people find the pain begins to ease naturally, and their outlook shifts, sometimes enough that it no longer affects their daily life. Every journey is different.
If something here resonates, the next step is simply a conversation — no obligation, just an honest talk about where you are.